Domestic violence


Since self-love is a given, it is quite easy for a person to appreciate himself, tolerate his own mistakes and mishaps and fuel all his needs and desires. They could just live alone, have a pet and love it as a child of their own, feel extremely happy after buying their first house and their own car, when it’s time for holidays they’d go visit that place they always wanted to visit, and maybe bring a friend or a family member. When they fall ill they’ll probably just take a taxi and visit the doctor, after that they’ll just take care of themselves… and when it’s finally time to kick the bucket, they look back at the long and prosperous lives they’d lived, remember all the loved ones they’d lost along the way, make peace with every opportunity they’d lost and every bad decision they’d made, and when everything starts to fade away, only one thought remains… what’s next? They panic, they look all around the room, the nurses aren’t there, and neither is the doctor, but they just need someone, anyone to answer that question for them, a wife, a son, they’re looking for someone who would sit by their bedside, hold their hand as they depart from this world and tell them that everything is going to be okay… Sadly however, they lost that privilege along the way thanks to : ‘’a meaningless dispute, a lost love for their soulmate, an inability to cope with their companion’s very displeasing lifestyle’’ is what most of them will tell you, but there are a select few that will tell you otherwise, they will admit that they were once upon a time subjects to a phenomenon that has become very unnerving to many people as of late: domestic violence.

Disputes among families are a very common thing, it could be a very effective way for couples to unknowingly develop a certain trust and tolerance between them, but it’s not for everyone. With that being said, I think it’s fair to say that all you readers have lived through numerous family disputes, with some of you having experienced it more than others, so you all must be very accustomed to the terrifying ideas a child can have upon hearing the sound of his parents’ ever rising screams, more so if he’s able to decipher what terrible words their anger has allowed them to say in the presence of their own child, maybe they will forget about those words as soon as they finish arguing, but their child most certainly won’t. However, hearing your parents scream out of anger certainly isn’t as marking as hearing one of them scream out of pain and helplessness, out of fear from what could happen to their child if kept in the same house as the beast that is mercilessly beating on them: ‘’ what if my son grows up to be like him… what if my daughter never marries thinking that this is what marriage’s like…what if I don’t come out of this alive and this monster is all they have left in this life’’.

Worldwide, almost one third (30%) of women who have been in a relationship report that they have experienced some form of physical and/or sexual violence by their intimate partner in their lifetime. Globally, as many as 38% of murders of women are committed by a male intimate partner. Men are more likely to perpetrate violence if they have low education, a history of child maltreatment, exposure to domestic violence against their mothers, harmful use of alcohol, unequal gender norms including attitudes accepting of violence, and a sense of entitlement over women. Women are more likely to experience intimate partner violence if they have low education, exposure to mothers being abused by a partner, abuse during childhood, and attitudes accepting violence, male privilege, and women’s subordinate status.

As I’m writing this I’m reminded of a certain verse in the holy Qur’an that says:

<< The example of those who take allies other than Allah is like that of the spider who takes a home. And indeed, the weakest of homes is the home of the spider, if they only knew.>>

{مَثَلُ الَّذِينَ اتَّخَذُوا مِن دُونِ اللَّـهِ أَوْلِيَاءَ كَمَثَلِ الْعَنكَبُوتِ اتَّخَذَتْ بَيْتًا ۖ وَإِنَّ أَوْهَنَ الْبُيُوتِ لَبَيْتُ الْعَنكَبُوتِ ۖ لَوْ كَانُوا يَعْلَمُونَ}

   [Surat Al Ankabuut, 41]

A verse that holds so much meaning using only a few words, such is the wisdom of the almighty creator. Many have argued that the spider silk is one of the strongest substances to ever exist, because despite their extreme delicacy, the silk threads are five times stronger than their steel equivalent, and are characterized by stronger tension resistance. However, the way a spider builds its web/home makes it the weakest and frailest of all homes despite its strong threads.

From a spiritual standpoint, a spider’s house is deprived of notions of love and mercy; the basis for any happy family. In some species, the female spider kills the male immediately after the fertilization process. The female devours the male’s body, since the former is larger and fiercer than the latter. In some cases, the female mercilessly eats its offspring. In other cases, the female dies after the complete fertilization of the eggs that it usually carries in a silk sac. When the eggs hatch, the spiderlings come out to find themselves in an extremely crowded place. The siblings then start fighting over food and/or space, until the battle ends with the survival of only a few of them. Those then shed their skin, break the wall of the egg sac and leave one after another and when the mother dies, the spiderlings feed on her body. Indeed, the animal kingdom is such a cruel world to live in, but it’s not because Allah is cruel, but it’s for Allah to prove that the weakest of homes are those in which the inhabitants are abused.



When life is at stake …

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